My Recent Insight

As anyone who has read my blog name can tell, I have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.  Now, with what happened 9 days ago, Asperger's has been in the news a lot, both negative and positive mentions.  The mention that Adam Lanza had Autism or Asperger's brought a lot of negative attention to Autism Spectrum Disorders, especially by those who, having no idea what people with ASDs are really like, suggested that his lack of empathy (being able to 'feel' the emotions of others) and others inability to see emotions in his face (lack of affect) caused him to do what he did.

Others, who know people on the spectrum, or are on the spectrum themselves, spoke out against these negative comments, and rightly so.  Others suggested that the US needs to do more to support and identify people with mental illnesses that might be likely to do things like this (our current system supports these individuals with tons of support, but ONLY until they graduate from high school - then they're left on their own).  Even more people suggested that people in the US see mental, psychological and neurological (nervous system) differences as incurable and, therefore, not the same as PHYSICAL illness.

Recently, I was talking with someone about this recent incident, and he asked me how I felt about it.  I said that, as a parent, husband and teacher, I felt the need to be strong, and support those I cared about in dealing with it in their own way.  He said, "No, I was wondering how you FELT about it - what feelings did you experience?"  I sat and thought about that for a while before answering.  "I really felt nothing about it other than about how it would affect those I cared about."  This response kind of surprised him, although he knows I have Asperger's, he had trouble realizing that I would deal with it in a more logical, objective manner, than in a subjective, emotional way.  That led us to a discussion about empathy and how Aspies express empathy vs. neurotypicals.  This discussion was very enlightening, and made me realize that, despite being an Aspie, I STILL don't understand empathy, even though I experience it and NEVER show it in the same way that neurotypicals do.

Empathy is described as the ability to 'feel' the feelings of others or, at least, the ability to understand how others will feel in response to something.  For many people, this means that they end up feeling the same feelings that someone else is/will be feeling in response to an event.  For example, if you are watching a movie and a guy gets kicked in the groin, most of the guys in the audience will groan. That's because they have experienced this pain before, and can just imagine what the character is going through (as a guy, I can say you never forget that feeling, even if you only experience it once!).  That is more of a physical expression of empathy, though.  Many women watching never react in that way, being built differently, and can't imagine the feeling (although, I've heard that childbirth is many times worse...).  However, they can realize that the character is going through physical pain, and often even feel sorry for him.

For an Aspie, we experience empathy, but more in the way women feel sorry for they male movie character that was kicked in the groin.  We realize how others may feel, and, especially if those people are close to us, we want to cure that pain, to make them feel better.  We feel sorrow for those who are affected.  However, we don't tend to show those emotions (sorrow, the desire to make things better) in the same way that others would.  In my case, my emotions are really extreme - they are either expressed full force or they are not expressed at all.  I am either full force crying, screaming, yelling or not expressing anything.  Many people have difficulty understanding this about me, even those who are closest to me.  So, to many people, it appears as if I have no empathy, when in reality, I do, I am just not expressing it in a way that people would recognize.

So, did Adam Lanza have Asperger's?  I don't know.  But, if he did, then he didn't lack from empathy like most people suggested, but his flat affect might have made people think so!

I have Asperger's Syndrome, but I, like MILLIONS of other Aspies, do not lack empathy, we just experience is, and SHOW it differently.