Learning to Read the Minds of Others

One of the notable issues that those with Asperger's and Autism have is a lack of "Theory of Mind."  Theory of Mind (ToM) is the ability to know what others are thinking or feeling.  Most people have this innate ability to understand the others around them, and often can think or feel exactly what others around them are thinking and feeling as if they, themselves, were in the same position.  Those with Asperger's and Autism have no ToM (according to the experts), and cannot understand what other people are thinking or feeling.  This stems from their inability to read facial expressions and non-verbal cues.

However, this is a very simplistic explanation.  There is really a spectrum of ToM, ranging from having no idea what others are going through (i.e. their thoughts and feelings are what everyone else is thinking and feeling - the universe is this individual and no one else has their own thoughts or feelings), which would correlate to those on the lowest-functioning end of the spectrum, to being completely in the place of the other individual and not only having the thoughts and feelings they are having, but even, in some cases, experiencing any physical effects of those feelings and emotions (i.e. being a telepath or empath).  Most neurotypicals are towards this end of the spectrum, but don't actually go into the realm of telepath/empath.  Most high-functioning Autistics and Aspies are towards the middle of this spectrum.  They often cannot feel what others are feeling or think the thoughts they are thinking, but instead they can logically reason out what others are thinking or feeling.  For an analogy, watch this video:

Now, for those of you out there who are guys, how many of you had some kind of physical or mental reaction?  That is ToM at work - you could actually feel (or recall) what that was like for that young man.  For those of you who never got kicked in the nuts (a vulgar slang term, but it works), you may have felt some kind of pain or emotional reaction to it.  I, however, had very little reaction to it.  Not because I haven't felt that pain before, but because I have difficulty experiencing things that are not done specifically to me.  However, I am able to understand the pain and humiliation that young man felt (probably more of the former) since I am able to reason out what went through his mind.  

Now, imagine being in a group of people where you are unable to imagine what they are thinking or feeling without being told directly.  People tell you things, and you have difficulty determining if they are being sarcastic or truthful, joking around with you or really pissed off over something you did.  And you cannot use ToM to fall back on, thinking "If I was in their position, I would feel..." because you never were in that exact position as that person.  THIS is what having Asperger's and Autism is like.  Many people will say that Aspies lack empathy, but this isn't quite true (we CAN recognize the emotions others are feeling since we often reason it out).  Others will say that we don't express emotion, but this isn't quite true either (some of us may have Alexithymia, or an inability to recognize and describe emotions in ourselves, but, we ARE human, after all, and DO experience emotions, but it is often much different in intensity and manifestation that neurotypicals, but that is for a different post, altogether...).  For as long as I can remember, I have been in that situation.  Every day, I experience a world of people around me who seem to have some sort of telepathy with each other, but yet my mind is shielded from theirs by my Asperger's.  I often realize that so-and-so must be upset, but cannot, for the life of me, realize WHY, nor how to make it right.  People I care about have more in common with the stranger passing by than with me.

But, this is who I am.  As a result of my Asperger's, I have spent much of my life trying to understand the people around me and what makes them tick.  I have had epiphanies into the minds of others that have made me who I am, a loving husband and father, a beloved teacher and learning specialist who GETS the students he teaches, an author, and a paranormal investigator.  I have a knack for being able to amaze both friends who know me well and strangers who have just met me just by talking to them (of course, I am more comfortable talking with a stranger than someone I've known for years, according to my wife, but I think that's because they are a new mind to learn about, someone new who hasn't heard me drone on about my special interest for hours on end...).  I am an adult on the spectrum, and, despite all my difficulties and social weaknesses, I am special because of it, something I would not be if I was neurotypical.

Education of an Aspie Teacher

As most of you reading already know, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome 2 1/2 years ago.  At the time, the diagnosis was not unexpected, as I had been working for 7 1/2 years at a school for students with Asperger's Syndrome and Non-verbal Learning Differences, a Learning Difference in which students seem to learn well using similar methods to those with Asperger's Syndrome (or so the higher ups at the school said - I found that, despite having difficulty with social skills and reading others, Aspies tend to be more visual learners and NLD students are more auditory learners, and hence have very different learning styles...).  My wife and I, along with many students and parents, had noticed how similar I was to the kids at the school (I was even mistaken for a student by many a parent on opening days at the school!).  I had been told by one administrator that, out of all the faculty, I understood the students and their abilities the best.  Parents, when I was allowed to talk to them (the school only allowed teaching team leaders to talk to parents - NEVER  classroom teachers, "To protect us from overbearing parents," they often said - I think it was to control the message coming from the school...), often sought me out whenever they were on campus to tell me how much they appreciated my working with their child, and how well I seemed to understand them.  Other teachers often asked to co-teach classes with me, one of whom told me was because I "...(was) so good with the kids and (the teacher) learn(ed) so much working with me."  One of the things that was told to many of the students at the school was, "Once you graduate from college, we'd LOVE to have you come teach for us!"  You'd think that my diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome would have been a benefit for the school, right?  WRONG!

Unfortunately, there are a number of weaknesses that go along with Asperger's Syndrome.  One of these is that our brains our wired differently than a majority of the human population's, causing us to think VERY differently than those around us.  Thus, as much as my Asperger's diagnosis allowed me to understand the students at the school, it caused some strife with some of the decision makers around me.  One of those who had difficulty understanding me was one of my teaching team leaders, who was my direct supervisor for my last two years at the school.  She was the Learning Specialist on the team, and thus was educated in special education.  You would think that she would have appreciated me, possibly even noticing my Asperger's Syndrome, right?  Wrong!  As much as I understood the students at the school, that's how much she just DIDN'T get Asperger's Syndrome, especially in adults.  Her goal while she was my direct supervisor seemed to be to try and force me to do things in some standard way.  Everything I did was wrong for my last two years at the school, if you listened to her.  Despite the fact that I was able to meet all the goals set at the beginning of the year for me, since I didn't teach the kids and the classes in her way, I was wrong.  It got even worse once I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and asked for reasonable accommodations under the ADA to be able to do my job.  She refused to allow me to have ANY of the suggested accommodations from my psychologist.  What was especially ironic about this was that many of these were the VERY SAME accommodations that I, and every other teacher at the school, were teaching the students to use and, in some cases, FORCING them to use!  When I asked why it was required for us to teach these accommodations to students with Asperger's, but I was not allowed to use them, I was told that, "As an adult and professional teacher, you are EXPECTED to be able to do things on your own without any assistance."  What was especially frustrating was that this learning specialist refused to give me a list of policies and procedures, notes of meetings (which I ALSO was told I could not record due to privacy issues...), or even written deadlines for work that I needed to do.  (NOTE: This still makes no sense to me - why NOT have written policies and procedures or deadlines, unless you just want to be able to change your mind and not be held accountable for what you said - if it was in writing, it would be harder to renege...).

Another person who had issues with me was the headmaster.  This man, when the school opened in 2003, had said that he wanted the school to be a joint effort between everyone, administrators, faculty and staff, and that he welcomed differing opinions.  However, if you questioned his opinion, you were not long for employment at the school.  Early on in his time there, I ended up on his "hit list" by questioning why my family was being moved off campus from our on-campus home (I was told that housing was NOT  the concern of the faculty, despite it being provided by the school, and that I just needed to accept that it was best for the school, even if it inconvenienced my family; needless to say, I was NOT pleased, but moved anyway).  My way of thinking often put me at odds with this man - I always needed to understand why something was happening, he was the type of person who expected people to jump when he said "JUMP!"  Even asking "How high?" was too much!  He also had difficulty accepting my diagnosis, going so far as to deny that my diagnosis was real.  When presented with the letter about my diagnosis and suggested accommodations, he was FURIOUS!  Here he was, trying to insist that I was trying to be subversive and destroy the school, and I was, once again, contradicting him.  So, he responded in a VERY unprofessional, and illegal, manner.  "I have worked with students with Asperger's for TEN years (it was really 8 at the time - just like me), and I KNOW what they are like, and you do NOT have Asperger's!  I don't care WHO wrote that letter, he is WRONG!  You are just DISRESPECTFUL and REFUSE to follow ORDERS!"  Now, as an employer, he is bound by law (the ADA - Americans with Disabilities Act) to give reasonable accommodations to those with official diagnoses so they can effectively do their job.  Not only did he REFUSE to give me the recommended accommodations, but HE made a diagnosis of me without being licensed by the state, ignoring the diagnosis of the licensed psychologist.  He showed complete disregard for both the law as well as the student he was supposed to be supporting at the school. 

So, my experience at this school taught me a few things.  First and foremost, I realized that being an adult with Asperger's Syndrome, I am expected by many people to be able to act and behave as if I am normal.  There is a gulf between children with Asperger's Syndrome and adults with Asperger's Syndrome.  Adults, especially those who receive their diagnosis in adulthood, often have difficulty in everyday life, but are not eligible for many of the supports that younger kids are.  This is due to laws like IDEA, where kids are supported until they turn 18, but then are cut loose to survive on their own.  If we are to survive as a nation, we need to not only focus on the children out there, but we need to consider the adults.  This goes for Mental Health issues as well as Asperger's.  In fact, some of the strategies we develop to use with adults on the spectrum would probably work with ANYONE!  We need to help others regardless of age.

The second thing I learned is the cause of the high unemployment among those on the Autism Spectrum.  Most of this has to do with the employers out there.  First is the stigma that surrounds mental illness and mental differences.  Aspies, for example, often have deficits in social skills, reading facial expressions, being literal, etc.  These are qualities that many employers, as well as people in general, highly value.  These deficits are why the learning specialist and headmaster viewed me as a liability to the school.  They were unable to see the benefits that I brought to the table.  An Aspie, despite having some social skills issues, often is able to do things in a unique and creative way.  S/He sees the world differently from most of those around him/her and, as a result, is able to see different way to solve problems and achieve goals that others might not have seen.  Seeing the strengths in others that can be cultivated, rather than the weaknesses that need to be fixed, is the way my current school sees everyone - as an individual with unique talents. 

Hopefully, someday in the future, others will be able to learn what I have found out.  Maybe a day will come when adults on the spectrum will be as well supported in their jobs as children are in their schools.  Maybe a day will come when those with Asperger's can tell a potential employer of their AS, and get the job because of what they can bring to it rather than lose out on it because they may need accommodations.  On this day, our nation will have reason to rejoice, for we will all be one nation, united.