The time has come!

Recently, I posted about the hidden anxiety that one of my family members was dealing with, that was slowly tearing us apart at the seams and I feared, one day, would tear our family apart. Since posting it last night, I have calmed down a little, partly because blogging helps to pull my mind off of things that, otherwise would just sit there, letting me perseverate on them and dominating my thoughts. The other reason was that, once I was able to relax a little, I then got some time to think clearly about what was REALLY bothering me. Part of it is that this family member has a problem that they refuse to acknowledge, one that they insist is normal. This is a problem that I cannot fix for them, I cannot help them with, no matter what I do. I cannot make them less anxious, even if I take all of their responsibilities away from them, and this hurts me to see them suffer. The other thing about it that bothers me is that this person avoids doing things that might make them feel insecure/out of control, things like talking on the phone with people they don't know (or even those they DO know, if it might make them realize there might be a problem with them or our family). They avoid anything that might cause discomfort to themself, and they expect others to do these things for them. THIS is what bothers me.
I am a full time teacher at a private school. I regularly have after school responsibilities and activities that I need to do. Yet, our family is regularly in financial duress. You would think that this person might, as an adult in the family, go out and search for a job, even a part time one that they could do during the day, when the kids are in school. It would bring in some needed cash, and possibly even help us through the bad economy, right?
Wrong. This person has it in their head that if they get a job, that we would have to put the kids, who are in school full time, into day care, eating up their salary plus some. To this person, it would actually COST us money for them to get a job. "Well," you might say, "the kids are in school. So day care is not required." Again, they have an answer. "But if they're sick, I'd have to stay home to take care of them, and I'd be fired." OK, that at least makes SOME sense. But WAIT,there's more. When the kids feel sick now, this person's anxiety takes over...
"You HAVE to go to school! You've been out 3 (or 5 or 10...) days already! If you don't go today, they're going to fail you!" And, no matter how often I try to talk to them, this is a very real possibility for them, as anxiety makes even the most unlikely events seem likely.
Or, what REALLY gets to me, if one of the kids feels sick, this person will sometimes say, "You CAN'T stay home! I have to do (such and such) today, " or, " I have people coming over," and "I don't want to cancel again!" This person, who uses the argument that they cannot get a job and help the family out of our financial difficulties, uses as a reason that they need to care for the kids, but when the kids need caring for, they can't be bothered to do it, or it puts them out.
"So, why don't you get a second job?" you might ask. Well, I've tried, but this person insists that would be harmful to the kids since I would not be there at night to help with homework, put them to bed, and just do general work around the house. In a number of other families I know, this is the way they work, one adult works days and the second works nights. That way, there is always one home to care for the kids. But when a second adult in the family cannot or will not work, the first one often needs to step up and pick up the slack. Yet, once again, this person's anxiety gets in the way. They can see that we are having financial problems, yet they cannot get past their anxiety related to working outside of the house, for fear that something might go wrong and one of us might lose our jobs. And they cannot allow ME to get a second job for fear that something might go wrong at night when kids are solely their responsibility. So, we struggle along financially, and they get upset when there is no money for the kids' activities or new clothes or birthday gifts.
THIS is what upsets me the most. This person's anxiety is not only mentally hurting the others in the family, but it is getting in the way of our family's financial security. Their irrational fears, which are caused by the anxiety, causes them to overcompensate, like when they will not get a job or let me get a second job, just in case something happens while I or they are at work. This then causes more problems, which their anxiety blows out of proportion, allowing them to seem bigger than they are. Then, like a snowball rolled down a mountain, these problems continue, getting bigger and bigger, until they cannot be controlled without other parts of our lives being affected.
A while ago I was diagnosed with major depression. I knew something was wrong, so I sought out help. I remember vividly what it was like. I could not function, things seemed to all be going wrong for me, so I pulled into myself and began withdrawing from the world and society. It was easy for me to do, since my Asperger's makes me comfortable with myself. This is what I imagine it is like for this person, just instead of withdrawing, they blow up at the world on a regular basis. However, whether someone withdraws from the world, like in depression, or gets anxiety attacks, or blows up at the injustice they see being done against them by everything and everyone around them, it is still just as debilitating. We need to get through this, and for me, the time has come to step up to the plate and either force them to start pulling their weight, or do it myself, regardless whether they are upset about it or not. Even if it breaks up our family, this person needs to be part of it and accept that one of us has to keep us afloat financially.
Anyway, I feel bad about this, but, as someone once said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one..." If I have to get a second job, and not be there for my kids, then so be it. Wish me luck!