Dave and the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Year

"Family is the best thing you could ever wish for. They are there for you during the ups and downs and love you no matter what."

Yesterday, I made a tough decision - I decided to leave the profession I love most, because of the bureaucracy and ridiculous nature of our public education system.  I realized that my family was suffering because of my insistence on staying in education, and that my depression was getting worse due to my job.  I am not able to earn enough of a salary to support my family, and teaching takes a lot of time outside of the regular working day.  Additionally, my Asperger's Syndrome is more noticeable when I am stressed, and working as a long term sub, I have no job security.

Living with both Asperger's and depression has its ups and downs.  Of course, one of the negatives is that when my depression kicks in (like that little devil on my shoulder), my stress level goes up, and I start feeling down on myself and my abilities.  Then, like that snowball that you roll down a mountain that wipes out a village at the bottom, it keeps on getting worse, and my Asperger's then pushes me towards a blowout, which makes me feel worse about my inability to control it, which makes my Asperger's affect my judgement even further, pushing me closer to the edge of meltdown village.  And on it goes...

Eventually, one of three things will happen.  Either (1) I end up having that meltdown, which I feel better at the end because, just like Old Faithful, once the stress is gone, I am then able to start processing the cause and results of the stress, and I can see what caused the problem. (2) I end up getting depressed bout my lack of ability to control my emotions, and stay in that state for days.  Or (3), my alexthymia kicks in.  This is the inability to interpret ones own emotions.  In this case, it's like I blew a fuse, and, in an analogy my wife uses to describe this state, I end up becoming like a robot, or Mr. Spock on Valium.  I view it as if a fuse blows to protect my brain, allowing me to release the stress by venting it out without affecting anyone else.

One thing, though, is never-ending, and that is that is the care and love I get from my family.  Any time I am down, my kids or my wife is always there for me, and they never fail.  They are always concerned with my state of being, and will try to bring me back up when I am down.  I am lucky to have them, and I always know they will be there for me, in the good or bad, in sickness and in health.

This may have been a horrible year, being in and out of work, with my job prospects limited, and it may not have been a typical storybook year, but it has a perfect, fairy tale ending...

And he lived happily ever after, with his family right at his side...